You Know Your Team Blows Dick When...
March 15th, 2007

The coach gets a Gatorade container dumped over his head to celebrate the end of a 20 game losing streak!

Normally, this is reserved for the Super Bowl...

The Temple Owls managed to accomplish this "feat" on October 28, 2006. Congratulations on your victory Temple. Now you've gone from being known as a joke to simply being known as "The Worst Team in College Football". No, fuck that, you're still a joke.

It may not be any secret that the Temple Owls football team sucks, but dear Lord, what a sickening waste of a school's funding. The way I see it, if you're going to piss away money on athletics, at least go all the way and build a contender that has a good chance of winning the championship or at least securing a decent bowl game. The worst thing a university can do is have a half-assed athletics program like Temple does. Their horrible teams eat up a large sum of money and yet they give nothing in return to the student body. The games are a pain to watch because they're almost always being destroyed by the opposition and they certainly don't increase school spirit (in fact, they are the number two cause of school hatred behind only tuition costs). They're better off not having any football team at all. At least the expenses caused by the football teams of say, Ohio State and Florida State, give their student bodies something to look forward to every year.

The other purpose of university athletics is to increase the general popularity of the university itself. For example, the United States contains hundreds upon hundreds of Notre Dame Fighting Irish fans who have never been within 1000 miles of the school and never will be. Temple University on the other hand can't even sell out the lower level of its home stadium. The team is a failure in every possible respect. This failure is multiplied tenfold considering that the team plays in Philadelphia. Think of how passionate Philadelphia Eagles fans are. If Temple were any good, they could have that same exact gigantic, loyal, and rabid fan base, and yet they don't. Why? Because Philadelphia sports fans may suffer though a lot of disappointment, but even they have standards.

Speaking of Temple's stadium, how in the hell did they ever convince Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie to let their team play at Lincoln Financial Field? If I were him, I would have told Temple, "Look, I don't care how much money you wave in my face, but I absolutely will not subject my grass to being tret on by your sorry excuse for a team. Now get out of my office before I have my bimbo secretary burn your secondary for a touchdown."

Then again, I suppose money is more important than making witty, crushing remarks.

This should be a golden rule of the NCAA: Either have a great team or don't have a team at all. And none of this Div-II and Div-III bullshit, either be the real deal or don't exist, end of story. In the meantime, keep on making fun of Temple sports fans of America. They deserve it.

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