Five Groups of People Who Think Too Highly of Themselves
November 30th, 2007

Human beings are a proud people who like to believe they are smart, but the truth is, all of us are stupid in one way or another. It never ceases to amaze me how people can be so sure of themselves, regardless of how much information they lack or disregard. The following groups of people make me cringe the most every time they attempt to flex their intellectual muscles.

1.) Parents

I have plenty of respect for those who invest their time in raising children, but not when they get cocky about it. Too often, I’ve seen parents act as if parenting is the hardest thing in the world and that they are all-wise for having gone through it.

Have you ever been in this situation? You’re talking to someone who is a parent and then they begin to rant and rave about the troubles they are having with their kids, implying that they want advice. Then when you try to give them advice, they condescendingly brush it aside, because you’re not them, and therefore, you “wouldn’t understand”.

That’s right, no one understands. No one else has ever gone through the process of creating a zygote, incubating it for nine months, then raising it as one of your own. No one else has ever even interacted with a child. Only you have any idea what is best. If that is how you feel, then at the very least, quit bothering me with your parenting problems.

2.) Professionals

These people are legitimately smart in their respective field of specialty. Unfortunately, some of them would have you believe they are smart in everything, and thus hot shit by association, when nothing could be further from the truth. Take my one friend, for example. She’s a nurse and loves to flaunt her knowledge about fancy medical words, such as thrombolysis. But ask her to save a word document to a flash drive and she will become like a deer in an SUV’s headlights, only without the satisfaction of seeing the deer get smashed into.

She always talks like Mr. T

3.) Drivers

Anyone with a valid driver’s license doesn’t need to be told how to drive. Even though no two people drive exactly the same way, every motorist knows the perfect way to drive.

I’ve learned a lot from other drivers over the years. For example, by tailgating the car in front of you, it’s possible to arrive at your destination up to three seconds sooner, depending on your speed. Also, yield signs are nothing more than fancy triangular signs placed on roads for decoration so that you have something cool to look at while aggressively merging onto a roadway. And most importantly, you should never use parking lights while entering and leaving a parking spot, especially when in a high-volume-traffic urban area. Otherwise, you will look like a dork and I’d sooner be roadkill than look dorky.

Once when I was younger, I naively expressed the opinion to another driver that it was wrong of him to do these things. I was promptly informed that I was in fact a “fucking dickhead”. I’ll never make that mistake again.

4.) Internet Commenters

“I’ve got a deep void in my soul that can only be filled by mindlessly bitching at others. I also have an internet connection. Comments section here I come! My unwitty, snide comments could potentially go to good use on important political and social issues, but instead, I’m saving them for personal blogs, Youtube videos, and ESPN Conversation.”

Did you know that only hack writers say unfavorable things about your favorite sports team? Professor rooostur breaks it down for us:

He won't like Burnside's next article: "Fuck the Islanders and the Faggy Borough they Play In"

Here’s another one. In the midst of a long day of ditching class and surfing Youtube, trevoski12 just couldn't resist making a snazzy comment filled with nationalism.

Damn, I'd hate to be American beer right now.

Considering that the video he commented on was just a bunch of people drinking beer, I’m not sure things would have been different at all.

5.) superior essay writer

What asshole writes an article like this? I like ruining my skin.

“Oh, look at me, I’ve got my own blog or website, because I know how to structure code, use Dreamweaver, or open up a Blogspot account. Everybody listen up as I set the world straight with my writings, preferably en an uninteligible maner.”

I can’t stand these guys. Especially the ones who mix in short stories with their opinion articles. As if anyone wants to read your lame-ass stories. Go to hell.

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- 11.30.2007

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