Out of Tradition: My First Hate Mail

I’m still serious about not using the mailbag section to post hate mail. However, I figured I should keep the tradition alive of posting my very first hate mail. Not surprisingly, it came from a woman (possibly middle-aged) named Maria. Her letter was very concise and made it very clear what she did not like about my website:

From: "Maria Vitoria R." <[email protected]>
Date: Sat, July 14, 2007 11:50 am
To: [email protected]
Subject: you suck

You can imagine how crushed I was by that. It's a good thing she went easy on me by not even including an actual message.

I probably should have just deleted it, but since I’m new at this, I gave her a fairly straight forward reply, making it clear that she was wrong and that she likely was not my target demographic anyway:

From: [email protected]
Date: Sat, July 14, 2007 3:03 pm
To: "Maria Vitoria R." [email protected]
Subject: Re: you suck

1.) A woman hates my male humor website? I never saw that coming!

2.) I obviously don't suck since I have plenty of regular readers and
almost all feedback thus far has been positive, so that pretty much
destroys your entire two-word argument.

3.) If you don't like my site, then just don't read it. It's that simple.

That should have been the end of it, but in true troll spirit, Maria wouldn’t let something as trivial as being an idiot stop her from creating poor attempts at trashing someone, so she replied with this:

From: "Maria Vitoria R." <[email protected]>
Date: Mon, July 16, 2007 4:19 am
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: you suck

Now you have a four-word argument: you suck big time.

Isn’t that clever? She completely ignored the logical rationale of the email I sent her and simply restated her own empty argument. What else could I say but:

From: [email protected]
Date: Mon, July 16, 2007 10:59 am
To: "Maria Vitoria R." [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: you suck

Thank you for furthering the stereotype that women are unable to
communicate in a witty, clever, or even accurate manner.

Maria, thoroughly defeated, pulled this out of her ass:

From: "Maria Vitoria R." <[email protected]>
Date: Tue, July 17, 2007 3:39 am
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: you suck

Thank you for providing the final evidence that you really suck, besides being a chauvinist pig who's unable to take criticism. You sure have serious issues and for your own good need professional help ASAP. :)

This is my favorite email out of the three as it captures the very essence of someone who is fighting a lost battle and never knew what they were talking about to begin with.

First she claims I provided “final evidence” of sucking even thought there was never any to begin with. Then she calls me chauvinistic for merely pointing out that a certain stereotype exists and that she was reinforcing it. Best of all, she resorts to suggesting that I have “issues” and that I need help, which is a laughably desperate attempt to somehow put herself above me.

In order to save myself from the hassle of having to read more of her one-sentence emails with the word “suck” in it, I sent her this final email before adding her address to my filters.

From: [email protected]
Date: Tue, July 17, 2007 2:21 pm
To: "Maria Vitoria R." [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: you suck

I actually enjoy criticism as it helps me to become a better person. The problem with your emails is that they don't actually provide any
criticism, but rather a small dose of idiocy in written form.

"you suck" is not criticism. It's a vague, empty, and hateful comment
designed to harm its recipient and elicit aggression and I'm sure you
already knew that when you sent it. What kind of word choice is "you suck" anyway? That would have totally hurt my feelings - if I were seven years old.

Might I suggest that you take a writing course at a local college
(assuming you've even graduated from high school yet), because as of right now, you really are awful at written communication and really are
furthering inferior-female stereotypes. It's just not fair to those who
have worked so hard to achieve social equality among the sexes.

As for serious issues, who is the one who got so upset over a silly little website that they sent an angry email to its owner? Get a life.

Odds are, Maria has not since gotten a life.

- 7.28.2007

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