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Birds Need to Shut the Fuck Up, Especially at 4:30 in the Morning
May 16th, 2011 by Mr. Tim

Dramatic reenactment.

I used to think that tweeting was something that only obnoxious attention-seeking whores (and me) did on Twitter. Now I know better.

I present to you the birds outside my window who won't shut the fuck up with their tweeting even though the sun is still down. What's that birds, am I talking to you? No, I'm talking to the creatures behind you with the stupid beaks, yes I'm talking to you, the stupid ass birds.

Having a nice morning are we? Well not me, mainly because I am supposed to be asleep right now. However, instead of enjoying peaceful slumber, I'm stuck here in fatigue-filled consciousness, listening to you feathered-fuckers. You already shit on my car, must you shit all over my sleep cycle as well? I guess I finally understand why 'bird' is a synonym for 'dick'.

What's that you say? You birds need to be awake right now? Because only the early birds get the worms? Bullshit, you birds just really suck at catching worms. I can wake up at noon and get lots of worms down at the local bait shop and do with them whatever I please. Yeah that's right birds, turns out mankind is a lot better at capturing worms than you are, so go regurgitate that down your offspring's throats.

As if you birds weren't already being douchey enough, I would also like to point out that I have been listening to your conversation for the last half-hour or so and I know for a fact that none of you are saying anything interesting or worthwhile. Please explain to me the difference between your incessant tweeting and my co-worker's incessant conversation about Dancing with the Stars. Yeah exactly, there isn't any, but at least my co-worker seems to be somewhat aware that he's a miserable waste of life, whereas you birds remain happy with your existence, in true asshole fashion.

Well the time has come to stop being a douchebag species. So I ask one final time, birds outside my window, shut the fuck up. Otherwise, the pellets you get shot at you will be your own fault.

Thanks in advance for either outcome.

- 5.16.2011

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