“I don’t agree with what you say, but I’ll fight to the death for your right to say it. But just so we’re clear, you’re a fucking moron.” - Voltaire
“It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Nonetheless, carry on with your feelings of anger, depression, and jealousy.”
- Unknown
“There is only one book worth reading: the heart. Of course, this can be a complicated task. First you have to wait for someone to die. Then you have to surgically remove their heart, dissect it, then get someone to translate all of the blood, valves, and veins into written text. But after that, boy are you in for a treat!” - Ajahn Chah
“Any lady who is first lady likes being first lady. I don't care what they say, they like it. Bitches love attention.”
- Richard M. Nixon
“Patience is the key to paradise. Now where is that god damn Pizza I ordered 30 minutes ago?! Someone’s about to get fucked up!” –Turkish Proverb
“Posterity: you will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve your freedom. I hope you will make good use of it. For example, try sleeping in past noon or going an entire week without doing anything. This is what we fought for. Don't waste freedom on productivity.”
- John Quincy Adams
“Speak softly and carry a big stick. However, leave the big stick behind when naked, as it will make your penis look small by comparison, which I learned the hard way.”
- Theodore Roosevelt
“Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Now leave me the hell alone.”
- MacBeth (Shakespearre)
“100% of the shots you don't take don't go in. Although statistically, you're more likely to record a point in hockey by getting an assist, which is usually the result of PASSING the puck!”
- Wayne Gretzky
“Imagination is more important than knowledge. Do you know how much free and instantaneous porn you can provide yourself with imagination? A lot.”
- Albert Einstein
“You see things; and you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?' Then, I think about it further and more rationally and say ‘Oh, that’s why not, of course. How incredibly stupid of me’.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“... ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. With that in mind, don't complain when taxes are raised and funding is cut. Also, don't forget that this military is always recruiting. You could even use it to earn money for college.”
- John F. Kennedy
“If you have it [Love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have. You hear that middle-aged singles? Your lives are worthless and you should kill yourselves.”
- Sir James M. Barrie
"Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman. That's why I'm gonna bust this hot new rap about sodomizing prostitutes, yo."
- Ludwig Van Beethoven
"Gee, I hope no one records what I'm saying right now so that it becomes immortalized and then generations from now, various assholes use my quotation to prove points and win arguments. Or make fun of me." -Unknown (Yeah, I made this one up)