Post-Christmas Depression
December 26th, 2007

‘Twas the night after Christmas, and all through the house
everybody was happy, except for Dan Krouse.
Another Christmas holiday had come and gone by,
and all he could think of is how much he wanted to die.

As he sat there nestled in his old chair,
he knew it for sure, it just wasn't fair.
All month long, he'd been looking forward to Christmas
but in his recollection, the whole day sucked ass.

I went through all the shopping and cooking and stress,
now there's nothing left, but an ungodly mess.
When I saw my kids' faces, smiles wide and long,
I thought that would make it worthwhile, damn was I wrong.

I spent all this money to bring Christmas cheer,
now I'll be stuck in debt all of next year.
Instead of taking a nice summer vacation,
I'll be staying at home with my shitty playstation.

I got my wife a fancy new diamond ring,
hoping to see what joy worldly goods could bring.
It made her really happy, it made her heart throb,
but it was all for nothing, I got no blowjob.

The big family dinner should have been a big hit,
yet it turned out to be just the same old shit.
My brother's annoying, grandma drives me nuts,
and my Uncle Bob is still a fucking putz.

Starting tomorrow, I go back to work,
back to my boss, that no talent jerk.
My loathe for that place grows higher and higher,
I'd love to set the whole building on fire1.

A few days from now, New Year's eve will be here,
just another excuse to go out and drink beer.
People will think about what the future may hold,
all that will happen, is I'll be one more year old.

I grow tired of moaning, I'm going to bed,
hopefully tomorrow, I won't wish I were dead.
And why the hell am I talking in rhymes,
Damn, I sure can be stupid sometimes.

1.) e.g. Milton in Office Space

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Guy Who Takes his Parody Way Too Seriously Version

- 12.26.2007

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