(If Famous Historical Documents were Blog Posts...)

The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of America
July 4th, 1776 by Thomas Jefferson and the Second Continental Congress

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.
Posted by Thomas Jefferson at 10:00 PM

This entry has 24 comments

John Hancock says:
First comment! But seriously, this is some brilliant writing and I couldn’t agree more. I’ve had enough of British tyranny. Allow me to be the first to sign this document.

- First!
July 4th, 1776 10:05 PM

Loyal British Subject says:
What a load of bullshit! I’ll be god damned if I’m going to secede from the great nation of Britain! I hope you all get what’s coming to you from the all-wise royal throne.
July 4th, 1776 10:11 PM

King George says:
What a joke. Our glorious red coat army will continue to crush any revolutionary forces you guys can muster up.

P.S. You can all look forward to the new blog tax we’re passing next week.
July 4th, 1776 10:45 PM

General Washington says:
Good post, Thomas. And don’t mind King George, he’s just a royal pussy.
July 4th, 1776 11:34 PM

Philadelphia Watchman says:
That’s right, fuck Britain! Revolution! Revolution!
July 5th, 1776 12:22 AM

King George says:
LoL, you colonists sure love to talk shit on your faggy little blogs. All you traitors will be hanged soon enough.

P.S. I look forward to both of our sides engaging in a brilliant naval battle, oh wait, you losers don’t even have a navy. Pwned.
July 5th, 1776 8:09 AM

New York Blacksmith says:
Great post! Britain sucks a giant cock.
July 5th, 1776 9:50 AM

Offended Colonist Housewife says:
I really don’t appreciate all the insensitivity of this post. The British are a proud people with a rich history and you shouldn’t be so disrespectful towards them.
July 5th, 1776 3:21 PM

Ben Franklin says:
I really don’t appreciate all the insensitivity of this post. The British are a proud people with a rich history and you shouldn’t be so disrespectful towards them.

Don’t tread on us, bitch.
July 5th, 1776 7:44 PM

Offended Colonist Housewife says:
Don’t tread on us, bitch.

That kind of language doesn’t surprise me coming from a family deserter such as yourself. For your own good, go get some counseling ASAP.
July 5th, 1776 10:16 PM

Ben Franklin says:
That kind of language doesn’t surprise me coming from a family deserter such as yourself. For your own good, go get some counseling ASAP.

To quote Poor Richard’s Almanac:

“Shut up, whore.”
July 6th, 1776 1:53 AM

Mr. Christopher says:
This sentence is just my pathetic attempt of saying something meaningful so I come off as less of a spamming douchebag:

For the hottest colonial girl action, visit:

http://www.BostonTeaPartyXXX.com
July 6th, 1776 9:07 AM

Maximus says:
Too long, didn't read.
July 6th, 1776 5:27 PM

Concerned Southern Gentleman says:
As long as we can keep our slaves, I say hell yes! On with the revolution!
July 6th, 1776 8:53 PM

British Sympathizer says:
This is ridiculous. All you “rebels” sound like a bunch of angsty teenagers.

“Waaaah, there's too many taxes! Waaaah, they shot our minutemen!”

Grow up, move out of your parent’s basement, and accept British rule.
July 7th, 1776 3:02 AM

Sir Lord Chesterfield says:
If those filthy American mongrels want to secede, I say let them! Good riddance to bad rubbish. Those colonies contain nothing but undesirable scum anyway. England will always represent the high point of civilization, wealth, and power.
July 7th, 1776 12:36 PM

Chastity says:
Will this new government have a unicameral or bicameral congress? Also, will women be gaining any rights out of this? How will slaves be counted towards state populations?
July 7th, 1776 6:02 PM

Thomas Jefferson says:
Will this new government have a unicameral or bicameral congress? Also, will women be gaining any rights out of this? How will slaves be counted towards state populations?

Calm the fuck down. Let’s win this war first. We'll worry about that junk later.
July 7th, 1776 10:08 PM

Frenchie says:
Ha, ha, awesome. Whoop some British ass for us. I sure hope my nation can get in on the action.
July 8th, 1776 11:11 AM

Chief Bear-Claw says:
Yes, that’s it. You Europeans go right ahead and kill each other.
July 10th, 1776 5:56 PM

Patriot says:
I know this is an old post, but I just had to leave a comment:

I found this entry very enjoyable and informative.
December 15th, 1781 5:51 PM

Thomas Edison says:
I know this post is over 100 years old and that no one reads it anymore and that everyone above me is dead, but I just HAD to leave a comment:

Great post!
March 23rd, 1891 4:30 PM

USA Chick says:
Wow! I just found this blog through StumbleUpon and I think it’s awesome! I had no idea any of these people existed! I can’t wait to read all the archived entries.
January 11th, 2008 12:03 AM

Brian says:
How does crap like this keep making the front page of Digg!!??
January 11th, 2008 12:29 AM

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