How to be a Successful Blogger
February 4th, 2009

1.) Possess an insatiable desire for attention and recognition.

2.) Attempt to have your writing professionally published in print.

3.) Fail.

4.) Start a blog.

5.) Develop a gimmick topic and/or writing style targeted toward a select audience.

6.) Feel incredibly humbled to just have a handful of people reading your “art” and “creative expression”.

7.) Watch your readership gradually increase.

8.) Become arrogant and pretentious.

9.) Have some of your articles go viral and become linked on a bunch of popular websites.

10.) Become a popular blogger.

11.) Become even more arrogant and pretentious.

12.) Sellout and monetize blog with advertisements and an online shop.

13.) Secure a book deal.

14.) Quit your day job.

15.) Become still more arrogant and pretentious.

16.) Pour all creative energy into the book, decreasing the quantity and quality of new material on your blog.

17.) Release book, which either becomes a best-seller or flops completely.

18.) Now having no material left, allow blog to become boring, stale, and repetitive.

19.) Become “that blogger people used to love to read back in the day, but is totally lame now”, but never be fully aware of or admit to this.

20.) Watch as blog gradually descends back towards low readership and irrelevancy.

21.) Remain arrogant and pretentious.

22.) Become forgotten.

23.) Retire, return to day job, or commit suicide, or some combination thereof.


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- 2.04.2009

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