I hate constantly hearing about stupid diet fads, and people will never change, so I'm giving researchers a timetable of 25 years to make this article a reality. If my demands are not met, I will be forced to stand around and continue being annoyed, and that would be mean:

The Magic Pill Diet
Finally, an easy weight loss system that WORKS!
March 5th, 2008 by Smart Science People

Science has shown that not only do people enjoy eating food, but also, no one likes looking at fat people. It’s a cruel joke that nature plays on us all.

Are you overweight? Are you tired of being told to lose weight through healthy eating and exercise, even though nine out of ten experts agree that it sucks balls? Maybe you’ve been told that your condition is genetic and to focus on improving yourself in other areas that you have no interest in whatsoever?

Well, what if I told you that a magic pill had been invented that allowed you to lose weight regardless of genetic disposition, without changing your lifestyle, and with no side-effects? You’d probably think I’m crazy and normally you’d be right, but today, you’re dead fucking wrong. The Magical Pill Diet is for real and is the safest, easiest, and fastest way to finally obtain that normal-looking body that is acceptable for public display.

* First, some history…

In the past, you needed a fast metabolism in order to do cool things like lay around and eat Tastycakes all day without worrying about becoming obese. Thanks to the Magic Pill Diet, you too can live this dream!

* How does the Magic Pill Diet work?

The Magic Pill Diet utilizes a state of the art system that has been scientifically tested and proven to lower weight AND keep it down. Just take the pill as needed, and your body will gradually revert to its ideal weight over a 3-5 day period. This incredible process is outlined in the chart below:

And best of all, there’s NO massive diarrhea involved!¹

* The Diet that’s changing lives!

Below, you can read some of the incredible testimonials from REAL people whose lives have been changed forever thanks to the Magic Pill Diet.

- Jenna Dawkins, 26,Teacher:

Yes, these are REAL photos and REAL results!

“I used to weigh over 300 pounds and people in my own family would call me a fat mess and laugh at me. I originally went to my doctor for help, but he gave me the same tired old story about eating healthy and working out, but I was all like 'fuck that cheese'. Mmm, cheese. Then, I consulted my plastic surgeon and he recommended bulimia. I gave it a try and it seemed to work at first, but then I started to almost die.

“I was about to give up hope when I heard about the Magic Pill Diet. I gave it a try, and after just 24 hours, I lost 20 pounds despite not changing my eating habits and watching lots of TV. Now, it’s been over 3 weeks, and I'm in the best shape of my life! Things have gotten so well that, just the other day, after me and my husband had sex, he told me that he enjoyed it as he always does, but get this, he actually meant it this time! Thanks Magic Pill Diet!”

- Jonathan Adamson, 34, Postal Worker:

Yes, these are REAL photos and REAL results!

“Long story short, I used to be a fat fuck and now I’m not. Take it from me, a real average Joe type guy, who definitely hasn’t been paid to say this at all – this product WORKS! Thanks Magic Pill Diet!"

* A word from the genius behind the Magic Pill Diet - Dr. Head!

“Hello, I’m Dr. Richard Head Ph. D, and I invented the Magic Pill Diet. Several years ago, after completing a rigorous doctoral biology program at Harvard University, I took a vacation at the Jersey Shore. While laying in the sun one day, I became horrified upon noticing just how many fat chicks were walking around in their bathing suits. Even with the lowered expectations that everyone experiences when visiting New Jersey, this was ridiculous.

"The very idea of being subjected to such unsightly cellulite was quite preposterous in my professional opinion, but it wasn't their fault. They needed help and I believed I was just the person to do it. That’s when I was inspired to create the Magic Pill Diet to help out my fellow man and woman. Now, at last, my dream has become a reality and I’m thrilled to share it with all of you. I’m so confident that my system will work that I offer a full money-back guarantee!² Take my product with confidence and enjoy your new life!"

* This is the greatest invention in the history of anything, ever! How do I order?

Just send a check or money order for $100 made out to “Big Diet Corporation” and mail to:

Big Diet Corporation
30 Big Building Plaza
New York, NY 10001

Allow 6-8 weeks for delivery.

Don’t delay! The body of your dreams can be yours today!

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Cliche Fat Joke Version

- 3.05.2008

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1.) Although your stool may become orange for up to seven days. However, most experts agree that orange shit looks pretty cool, so in a way, it’s a bonus.
2.) All sales are final.