Golden Literature's Maddox 10th Anniversary Tribute Series. Part 3 of 5:
In June 2006, Maddox released his book The Alphabet of Manliness to rave reviews. The book finally gave the real men of the world a bible to live by, as well as providing an ample amount of humor - something seriously lacking in other bibles. However, the book did not cover the extra letters of the Spanish alphabet. Not wanting our Spanish and Latino friends to feel left out, I decided to fill in the gap, and who better to do it than a white American with little to no knowledge of Spanish language and culture:
is for LLama.
Every so often, man needs a friendly companion and since women and other men usually aren’t up to snuff, a quality pet is needed. This is where the llama comes in.
Perhaps you’re thinking, “But what about cats, or better yet, dogs, man’s best friend?” First of all, if you even consider a cat, stop reading right now. You are clearly incapable of being a man and by incapable, I mean a little fucking pussy who gets his ass kicked all the time and then penetrated with a strap-on. As for dogs, despite possessing some bad-ass attributes, they are ultimately just too dependent and needy, which is unforgivably feminine.
Llamas on the other hand kick some major ass. Just imagine the manliest animal on Earth. Now make him extra awesome. You now have yourself a llama.
The best thing about llamas is that they are very much unlike women and children. For example, llamas can thrive in extreme environments where temperatures consistently reach over 100 degrees, whereas most women and children will bitch when removed from a climate-controlled room.
Another great thing about llamas is that they don’t fuck around when it comes to disciplining those who are below them. Rather than using words to settle disputes, they simply spit on others to get their point across. Absolutely no one is safe (See Figure 1). Even when they have no reason to spit, they will often spit on the ground anyway as if to say “Fuck you Earth!”
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Figure 1: A llama laying down the law.
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Llamas also enjoy feeding their egos by standing up high and looking down on others (Figure 2).
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Figure 2: Llamas enjoy pretending to be men by looking down on others.
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The llama’s only weakness is that it is neither the largest nor the toughest member of the animal kingdom. However, it completely makes up for this solely by the integral role it played in mocking contestants on the classic game show “Let’s Make A Deal”. Below, I have provided a reenactment of a llama totally ruining the shit of some old lady contestant:
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Llamas rule.
is for nothing.
Because there aren’t any words that begin with two R’s. What a stupid language.
is for Ño fucking way I'm writing an entry for this.
Putting a tilde over a letter does not make an entirely new letter. I was willing to keep an open mind for ‘LL’ and ‘RR’, but I’m putting my foot down here. Fuck you N-with-a-tilde, you’re not your own letter.
wow, worst letter ever. Fuck this one too. This would have made a great letter to waste on Chuck Norris.
Yes, this page was basically just an excuse to write about llamas.
Back to some bullshit green and gold website...